Monday, June 2, 2014

The Axeman Speaks - June 3, 2014

The photo above is from my recent trip to St Louis. On an outing to Baskin Robbins with my grandkids. Truly, I am blessed.

The opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Wrestling News Center, the Webmaster, or anyone else connected with this site. They are mine and mine alone.

As a public service to all the citizens of North Mississippi, I think it is my civic duty to make you aware of a situation involving Hollywood Jimmy Blaylock. I am sure most people are not aware of this, but Hollywood has recently been BANNED from a local retail establishment.

Here is the letter Hollywood received from the manager at the store. I suggest that, if you encounter Hollywood at any store, you turn and RUN the other way.

Dear Mr. Blaylock:

Over the past six months, you have caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban you from the store. Our complaints against you, Mr. Blaylock, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 

1. You took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 

2. You set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals. 

3. You made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 

4. You walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money. 

 5. You went to the Service Desk and tried to put two cart loads of do-nuts on lay away. 

6. You moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 

7. You set up a tent in the Sporting Goods Department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged. 

8. When a clerk asked if she could help you, you began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' This resulted in a call to 911 from several shoppers. 

9. You looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while picking your nose. 

10. While looking at guns in the Sporting Goods Department, you asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. This resulted in yet another call to 911. 

11. You darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 

12. YOU hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 

13. When an announcement came over the PA system, you assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN! Yet another call to 911.

14. You took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was. 

And last, but not least: 16. You went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

So there you have it, ladies & gentlemen. Now you know. 

The Axeman has spoken. 

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