The Axeman Speaks 10-23-07

Greetings, wrestleholics!

Would you believe... I received an instant message from GQ Maxim last week. Would you believe... He wants an interview?! Well, GQ, here's my answer: NO. I only do interviews with people who have made some kind of contribution to wrestling, and that ain't you, bubba.

Well, I see that Haywood Jablomi did not take me up on my challenge to write a column. I didn't think he would. With that, I will end the folly of responding to his bullshit. First of all, I refuse to believe that Haywood Jablomi is his real name. No parent would name a kid that. Second, it is obvious that, whoever he is, he is never going to appear at GTW in West Point to back up what he says. In fact, he will never go anywhere to back up anything he says. So, with that, I close the book on Haywood. He can post what he wants, but from this point on I will ignore him.

That brings me to Tony "the Weasel" Watts. Yes, friends, I gave him a little surprise Friday night at TFW when I prevented him from interfering in a match. Oh boy, is he mad. Well, I don't care. I will be handcuffed to him during the Neil Taylor vs. Fusion match at TFW this Friday night to make sure he does not stick his nose into things again. Banana Nose says it won't happen, but I assure you, my friends, it will. By the way, TFW match results are posted on the news board.

Speaking of TFW, I want to take this opportunity to congratulate TFW on their 5th Anniversary! It is hard to believe that TFW has been around for that long... It seems like only yesterday that they were starting up! The TFW show Friday night will not only be TFW's Halloween show, it will also be their 5th Anniversary celebration as well. Check the write up on the News Board for all the details. I am happy to have a small part in TFW, and I hope to be with TFW for a long time. I'm having a blast!

Chuck Taylor, Ricochet, UltraMantis Black, and Hydra from CHIKARA (and maybe more Chikara stars) will appear at the TFW show in Tupelo 11-30-07. It will be a great show, so don't miss it!

GTW had a good show Saturday night in West Point. There were no bad matches, and everyone there seemed to enjoy the show. There was a costume contest prior to the show, and, I am told, a lot of fun was had by all. I enjoyed announcing there Saturday night. I don't know when I will be back there, but I will try to get back soon. Match results are posted on the news board.

One individual I am impressed with at GTW is... believe it or not... Jay Webster. I always liked him, he's a nice guy and fun to be around, and he has often been entertaining in the ring with some of his antics, but not particularly impressive as a wrestler. But he did try hard, and was slowly getting better. Since going to GTW and turning heel, however, I was shocked that he has actually learned some things about how to work a crowd, and has continued to improve as a wrestler. Now, a WWE star he ain't, and never will be. His size prevents him from ever going beyond local indy wrestling. He is, however, much improved. I never thought I would be saying this, but I was impressed with Webster and his progress.

WWE Hall of Fame member Bobby "The Brain" Heenan recently had surgery on his jaw. The surgery was to replace his jaw bone with bone taken from his hip. I would like to take this opportunity to wish him a speedy recovery.

It's time for YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID. This week we focus on James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, who was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath, so that he could ascertain the source of a noise. Burns clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

Much has been said and written about the low ratings of WWE RAW the past several weeks. Apparently nobody at WWE can understand why the ratings are so low, because I have seen no changes on RAW. Here is what is wrong: Hornswaggle as Vince McMahon's bastard son... stupid. It's getting old, Vince. We've had enough. Vince McMahon acting like a royal SOB... We've seen it for years. It's getting old. But Vince will continue to appear on RAW, because, unfortunately, he is WWE's #1 heel. William Regal as GM of RAW... stupid. Jonathan Coachman... stupid. Coachman as Regal's flunky... even more stupid. Ric Flair gone... stupid. Whatever it takes, get him back. Booker T gone... unfortunate. WWE should never have suspended him for 60 days. WWE has now, probably, lost him to TNA. Cena out with an injury... the timing could not have been worse. Orton as Champion... it's working for now, but it won't for long. Umaga... boring, it's getting old, Vince. Vince having HHH beaten up all the time... stupid; it ain't working, so it's time HHH kicks ass. The solution: Get out of the way, Vince. Get off of RAW completely.You stayed off RAW Monday night, so stay gone for a long time. Let your creative staff be creative. Listen to Dusty Rhodes. Keep Stephanie out of the way. She knows not what she is doing. Use HBK in a way that is entertaining; we are tired of seeing him get beaten up, so let him whip ass. Use Kennedy in a way that is entertaining. Perhaps putting the Intercontinental belt on him is a good start. Bring back DX. Think outside the box. Cody Rhodes & Bob Holly teaming up is a good idea, IF you will put them in the ring with some legitimate competition. Bring back Trish Stratus, even if it costs you lots of greenbacks. How about Stone Cold Steve Austin as GM of RAW? How about using Hacksaw Jim Duggan more? Seems to me that he is getting a bigger pop from the crowd than a lot of the other WWE guys are. Here is a radical thought: ASK the fans what they want, and then GIVE IT TO THEM. Food for thought.... Of course, it IS Vince and WWE we are talking about, so it will never happen....

ECW isn't any better. What a weak talent roster they have now, compared to just a few short months ago. RVD is gone. There are those who say he will return, but I don't see it happening any time soon. We are about tired of seeing CM Punk. Sabu is gone. In fact, most of the ECW "originals" are gone. In an effort to do something to get the ECW ratings up, WWE is beginning to "exchange" Smackdown and ECW talent, meaning Smackdown stars will appear on ECW, and ECW stars will appear on Smackdown. I predict a lot more Smackdown stars on ECW than the other way around. This move may have worked, because, in spite of crappy ratings, WWE has announced that ECW will remain on Sci Fi through 2008. Their current contract expires at the end of December. It will be interesting to see if WWE actually combines SD & ECW eventually. They might as well, because the two brands travel together, do house shows together, and now this new "arrangement." We will see what happens....

Candice Michelle was injured during her match with Beth Phoenix on RAW Monday night. She had a nasty fall from the top rope on her shoulder which knocked her out. She was taken to a hospital for evaluation, and she was later diagnosed with a concussion and a broken collar bone.
According to reports on WWE .com, she will be out of action for 4 to 6 weeks. That's unfortunate, and I wish her a speedy recovery. I like the girl.

RAW actually was a little better (in my opinion) this week, although the ratings did not change much. Mickie James, London, & Kendrick vs. Melina, Cade, & Murdoch was not a bad match at all. Mickie James looked especially good. Cody Rhodes v. Shelton Benjamin was OK. Harry Smith defeating WWE's biggest jobber Carlito was decent also. Look for bigger things from this guy. Ron Simmons vs. Santino Marella was kind of stupid, but in an entertaining sort of way. I do wish Marella would just go away. Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle was a decent match, until Candice's fall. I was a little surprised that Beth Phoenix did not seem to know what to do when told that Candice was hurt. Grabbing her by the hair and pulling her head up was not the thing to do. Shawn Michaels & Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton & Ken Kennedy was a pretty good match, although HBK does not seem to be at full steam or something. He seems a little rusty, or his timing is off, or something. Umaga vs. Hornswaggle never happened, but the brawl ans subsequent pull apart between HHH and Umaga was great.

OK, on to TNA.... Apparently, the warring factions within TNA have kissed and made up, at least for now. The Jeff Jarrett faction and the Kurt Angle faction reportedly have "worked things out." For how long, I wonder?

During the past couple of weeks, we have been seeing a little of Talia Madison on TNA. Well, she is now an "official" member of the TNA family. She has announced on her official MySpace page that she has signed with TNA Wrestling.

I don't know about you, but I am tired of seeing Abyss get screwed over or beaten up all the time. It's time TNA lets him do a little ass whipping.

All in all, I think the 2 hour Impact shows have been good. There is a little too much Russo, in my opinion, in the shows so far, but I have seen worse. There are some things that really don't seem to make sense, like on this past week's Impact, Team 3-D squashing the MCMG's and calling out the X-Division, where is TNA going with that? It has no purpose that I can see, but maybe they have something in mind. The only way I see it working is building to a Team 3-D vs. MCMG feud. TNA is bad about starting something and then seemingly forgetting about it and going in another direction. I hope this is not the case here. Awesome Kong squashing Talia Madison was to be expected since TNA is obviously trying to build up Kong. But GEEZ, that Talia is hot! Storm & Rood vs. Harris & Rhino was a pretty good tag match. The champions ceremony was good, but I thought it ran too long. Kazarian vs. Lance Hoyt was a ho hum match. Nothing to write home about. Disco Inferno vs. Abyss was... well... WHY is Disco Inferno in TNA? I just don't see him fitting in anywhere. Abyss destroyed him, then Black Reign came in and destroyed Abyss. The rat in the bag on the head thing was a little bit strange. The Black Reign gimmick is the best gimmick I have seen Runnels do. Christian Cage vs. Samoa Joe was decent, but there we go with those blasted run-ins again. It was a great match until that crap started. Over all I give it a positive rating, even with the flaws. Their back stage stuff just plain sucks eggs.

On to the joke of pro wrestling in the Mid-South right now, MAW. They had an anniversary show this past weekend. Only six people paid to see the show. Needless to say, somebody lost their ass. Why have a show if you are not going to promote it? How do they expect people to know about the show, telepathy? It is rumored that MAW is done. If so, it is not unexpected. The group has not had what I would call a successful show in a long time. Give it up.

Well, the VCW/SCW saga continues... Volunteer Championship Wrestling supposedly became Southeastern Championship Wrestling when Billy Ray Hickerson teamed up with Ricky Guys. According to a report by BT at www.rasslinriotonline, "apparently the SCW name was owned by another person and he wanted a piece of the pie if they were going to run shows in Tennessee with Guys." The report also says that Hickerson is having trouble reaching Guys, because Guys is not answering his phone. So the show will go on as planned this Saturday in Selmer, TN, at 12:00 noon, under the VCW banner. Guys will have no part in it. Hickerson is better off without Ricky Guys.

The show of the weekend for this part of the country is XOW in Independence, MS, at Independence Middle School Gym. Bell time is 8:00. On the card are "Superstar" Bill Dundee, Grady Watson, Sarge O'Reilly, Hollywood Jimmy Blaylock, "Bad Attitude" Tony Dabbs, "The Studd" Scott Porteau, Max & John Steele, "Prime Time" Nick Grimes, "Southern Thunder" Chris Kilgore, Colton Anderson, Wraith, Chris Styles, Anton Levigh, Tat2, Josh Matthews, Anita Page, Brandon Barbwire, Uncle Felton, Giant Hillbilly, and more! There will be a Halloween Costume Contest - Best dressed gets $100! Tickets are $8.00, $5.00 for students. It will be a great show, so BE THERE if you can!

This week's humor was sent in by Andrea Depriest:

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET #1265
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused when on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested and charged with sexual harassment. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said: The Double Mint Twins are Coming, and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said: Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, William's Big Stick Did the Trick, and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, Goodyear rubber could have prevented this accident... I just lost it." The judge, laughing, said, "CASE DISMISSED!!"

The 8th and final segment of the interview with Studd will be up in a few days. More interviews and articles will follow in my In the Spotlight column.

That's all for this week. If you have any feedback, email me at axemanchopchop@yahoo.com. I will be answering emails in a column in the near future. I have not done that in a long time.

We are one more column closer to the final one!

The Axeman has spoken.