Monday, August 13, 2007

The Axeman Speaks 8-14-07

The opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect the opinion of Hollywood Jimmy Blaylock, the Webmaster, or anyone else connected with this site. They are mine, and mine alone. If you agree with me, OK, and if you don’t, that’s OK. The fact is, when Axeman speaks, everybody listens, and if you don’t like it, you can kiss the posterior part of my anatomy. Live with it.

Greetings, Axmaniacs! How do you like this, two columns in the same week! Who knows, we might just make it three! You never know.

We will start things off with another edition of YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID! This time we will feature Friedrich Riesfeldt, a zoo keeper in Paderborn, Germany, who fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With nobody there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... "Shit happens."

I received a very strange email today concerning the write-up I did on the passing of Bronko Lubich. It was from a guy named Marcus Tanner, and he asked: "You missed the most important point about Bronko Lubich. You barely even mentioned that he held the American Heavyweight Championship in WCCW for a while. Why?"

Well, sport, I did not remember anything about him holding that belt, that's why. The reason I did not remember anything about it because he never held that belt. Perhaps you have him confused with Boris Malenko. He held the belt for a while, but as far as I can tell, Lubich never did.

Yet another death in wrestling has occurred. Bryan Adams was found dead Monday morning by his wife. He was only 43. Adams worked in WWE and WCW, among other places. He is best remembered as Crush, a member of Demolition, along with Bill "Axe" Eadie and Barry "Smash" Darsow. In WCW, he was a member of the NWO, but his greatest success came when he was teamed with Bryan Clark in a new team called KroniK. They held the WCW Tag Team Championship two times. Thanks for the memories, Bryan Adams. RIP.

I just cannot get over how Adam "Pac Man" Jones has managed to get into wrestling without actually doing anything. He has even gotten involved in a story line. Since the Tennessee Titans blocked his doing any wrestling, he will be all talk and no action, unless he decides to tell the team to kiss off and wrestles anyway. Frankly, as vain and smug as the guy is, that would not surprise me. I must say that TNA played their cards right with the angle they have him involved in. He gets a warning to "watch your back" from Ron Killings, then later is found unconscious in the back having been beaten up. He was then taken from the building by ambulance. You gotta love the angle. You gotta appreciate the creativity and the booking. TNA is making the most out of what they have with Jones, which ain't much.

I read on BT's site that Sam Whiskers, a referee for JWS in Jumpertown was taken from the arena Saturday by ambulance with a heat stroke. According to the report his heart stopped twice en route to the hospital. He was later transferred to the hospital in Corinth, where he remains hospitalized. I wish him a speedy recovery. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

WWE RAW match results: Mr. Kennedy defeated The Sandman. Cade & Murdoch defeated Cryme Tyme. Snitsky defeated Robby McAllister. Cody Rhodes defeated Charlie Haas. John Cena & Umaga defeated Randy Orton & Carlito. The only decent match on the entire show was the main event. Maybe I am in the minority, but Cryme Tyme is just not getting the job done, in my opinion. The WWE Idol segment was stupid. The Lawler - Booker segment was boring. The illegitimate child angle is OK, but the cat is pretty much out of the bag as to who the illegitimate son is, which makes it less entertaining. No ladies on the card, now that's a shame. The entire show, except Cena & Umaga vs. Carlito & Orton, was boring. One bright spot in the show was the announcement that HHH will return at the next PPV to take on Booker. That should be a good match.

Recently overheard in an argument between GQ Maxim and his wife:
GQ: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
GQ's WIFE: I clean the toilet.
GQ: How does that help?
GQ's WIFE: I use your toothbrush.

That’s all for now.

The Axeman has spoken.

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