Thursday, August 23, 2007

The Axeman Speaks 8-24-07

The opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect the opinion of Hollywood Jimmy Blaylock, the Webmaster, or anyone else connected with this site. They are mine, and mine alone. If you agree with me, OK, and if you don’t, that’s OK. The fact is, when Axeman writes, everybody reads it. Live with it.

OK, hoping not to appear too arrogant, I will attempt to write a column that David & Gene will be able to rip to shreds....

The Benoit case remains moderately interesting with an almost constant string of twists, turns, and developments. Now Dr. Steroid's attorney has filed a motion to suppress evidence seized in raids on Dr. Steroid's office. The doctor's attorney, Manny Arora, claims that government investigators did not tell the judge who signed the search warrants about the legit uses of steroids. Oh puhleeeez! Sounds like Mr. Arora is grasping at straws. Arora further claims that the government should have consulted with a doctor who specializes in hormone disorders, who, he theorizes, would have told them that the amount of steroids Benoit was receiving from Dr. Steroid was perfectly PROPER for the medical condition being treated. The motion, however, did not mention what that condition was. It seems to me that he should save all this for the courtroom, but what do I know, I am not a lawyer. The drama continues....

I was disappointed to learn that Mike Jones had left RPW. I was really looking forward, as I stated on the news board, to working with him and seeing what kind of antics he had up his sleeve for the coming weeks. I do wish Brody well as he tries to re-build his wrestling organization.

More news about Karlene Boutwell vs. WWE & Sandman has hit the net. You will recall that Boutwell filed suit against WWE and Sandman claiming he committed assault and battery against her while coming to the ring through the crowd in August of '06. Even though WWE has furnished Boutwell with video evidence of Sandman's ring entrance that night in an attempt to get her to go away, Boutwell refuses to drop the suit. So... hi ho, hi ho, it's off to court they go... Either there is a lot more to this than meets the eye at this point, or Boutwell is a candidate for YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID. We'll see. (Partial Credit to via

WWE RAW match results from Monday night: Mickie James & Candice Michelle defeated Melina & Beth Phoenix. Cody Rhodes defeated Shelton Benjamin. Paul London & Brian Kendrick defeated Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch in a non-title match. Mr. Kennedy vs. Carlito ended in a "double pin draw." John Cena defeated Snitsky. It was a ho hum edition of RAW, so I will not bother to comment on any of the matches. I did, however, think Tazz & JR did a good job. I do not, think WWE should break up the Lawler & Jim Ross announce team. There is considerable speculation that WWE will do so, and that Lawler will go to ECW. Why fix it if it ain't broken? Lawler & JR do an excellent job on RAW. You may recall that Vince tried to do without Lawler on RAW once before and ended up bringing him back.

The more I investigate the antics of GQ Maxim, the more bizarre this guy's life seems. I'm telling you, the guy ain't right. After GQ and his wife got married, Mrs. Maxim insisted that GQ accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, GQ is like most men - he finds shopping boring and prefers to get in, buy what he came for, and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Maxim is like most women - she loves to browse and just has to look at darn near everything in the entire store. One day Mrs. Maxim received the following letter from Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Maxim,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Maxim are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least...

December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Please, Mrs. Maxim, control your husband.



Well, like I said, GQ ain't right. They're coming to take him away, ha ha, they're coming to take him away, ha ha ho ho hee hee, to the funny farm, where life is sweet, and he'll be glad to see those nice young men in their clean white coats when they come to take him away, ha ha!

ECW match results from Tuesday night: Big Daddy V defeated Tommy Dreamer. Balls Mahoney defeated Elijah Burke. John Morrison & The Miz defeated CM Punk & The Boogeyman. Only 3 matches on the entire show. Over all, I would give the show a C-minus. ECW lately has been missing something. The show just bores me.

That's all for now. One more column finished. One less column to go before the Axeman speaks for the last time. How many more columns will there be? Stay tuned....

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